So, with nothing better to do on a Saturday night than cruise psychotic websites hidden in the dark corners of the Internet, by chance you have stumbled onto this particular website and now, forlorn and drunk, have ended up on this particular page, because your addled brain thinks it would be way cool to become a world-famous star by having your very own mug shot pinned up on the Banana Wall of Fame for all of humanity to admire? Well, you have much to learn, grasshopper. Remember what William Blake said: “The eagle never lost so much time, as when he submitted to learn of the crow.” And then he said: “The tygers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.” And then I said: “Yeah, well, whatever.” And then Clint Eastwood said: “Are ya feelin’ lucky, punk?” Cause if ya are, read on.

The goal of the staff and management of 101 Bananas is to eventually have pictures on display here of all 330+ million Americans, each holding some kind of banana — real, plastic, cardboard cutout, inflatable, whatever. As tennis great Andre Agassi once said in a TV commercial, “Image is everything.” My contact information is in the link at the bottom of the home page. E-mail me your picture holding or eating a banana in front of Mt. Rushmore, the Lincoln Monument, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Eiffel Tower, Mt. Everest, just sitting on your couch, or if you’re a supermodel, on the beach in a bikini, and I’ll pin it up on the Wall. A higher-resolution pic would be ideal, but really any size, resolution, or format is OK; whatever you have.

It’s a long shot, but if you think a pic taken with a large inflatable banana would be more prestigious but don’t have one available, and you’re an honest and trustworthy person, I’ll send you one snail-mail if you promise to return it immediately . . . .

       —Zimmerman Skyrat,