Floral Decoration for Bananas
Well, nuncle, this plainly won’t do.
You should have had plums tonight,
But bananas hacked and hunched...
And deck the bananas in leaves
This article originally appeared in the Tampa Tribune in 1982.
This article originally appeared in Sports
Addressing a recent conference of the Boys’ Clubs of America, Raier Marens, a sports psychology professor at the University of Illinois and director of the Office of Youth Sports in Urbana, Illinois, offered his views on the value of awards in sports programs. Given the choice, Marens asserted, children overwhelmingly prefer to play on a team that’s a loser, rather than to sit on the bench of a winner. And he fears that rewards such as excessive praise, medals, trophies and trips to faraway places can undermine this desire to participate, win or lose.
I have no idea what newspaper this old photo and article originally
“A BUNCH OF BANANAS”
A new organization has been formed in New York called the “Order of the Bananas.” Its members comprise men of every line of endeavor and all that is necessary for membership is a sense of humor. The lodges are called “plantations” and the members are known as “The Bunch.”
The following articles are clippings from newspapers, magazines and the Internet saved over many years; if no source is listed then original date and source is unknown.
Mayor Forced to Eat
COACALCO, Mexico — Nearly 4,000 rock-throwing citizens enraged at the police shooting of a workman stormed the town hall Monday, seized Mayor Jose Ramon del Cueto and forced him to eat 12 pounds of bananas, authorities reported.
Man Gets 20 Days in Toy
STAMFORD, Conn. — A former Stamford police officer has been sentenced to 20 days in jail for lewd conduct involving a toy banana. Arthur Bertana, 63, was ordered to serve a 4½ year prison term suspended after 20 days and one year of probation.
Beyoncé’s Sis Won’t
August 29, 2011
MIAMI BEACH (CBS4) — Solange Knowles is tweeting mad at the Miami Beach Police Department. According to the R&B singer, she was the victim of discrimination after an officer allegedly pulled a weapon on her for doing “nothing illegal” and now there’s an internal affairs investigation. The Miami Beach Police Department confirmed Monday that it was investigating an incident which involved Solange Knowles, the younger sister of pop-superstar Beyoncé Knowles.
Most Popular Item
Business Week, Aug. 15, 2010
Walmart, which registered $405 billion in sales last year and is the largest retailer in the world, sold more bananas than any other single item in its stores.
School Suspends Teenage
By Lauri Apple
Fourteen-year-old Brian Thompson was handcuffed, placed in a cop car, and suspended from school for 10 days, all because he ran down the sidelines at half-time during a football game while wearing a banana costume. At least he wasn’t arrested! Yes, at least Thompson—an autistic teenager with musical talent and a playful sense of humor—wasn’t incarcerated for his totally innocent prank that made people laugh. That’s where we are nowadays, America—being glad when kids avoid being arrested for doing absolutely nothing wrong at all.
Florida High School Suspends
DailyCaller.com, May 22, 2013
Is a cigar sometimes just a cigar? That debate will remain unresolved, but The Daily Caller can say with confidence that a banana is definitely not always just a banana at North Marion High School near Ocala, Fla. School district officials suspended North Marion High teacher Jonathan Hampton for three days without pay after he allegedly used a banana to touch a female student on the head during class, reports Ocala.com.
A Peeling Diet
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — A Swedish window washer says he’s finally found a diet with a peel, to say the least.
European Protesters March
(Excerpt from a longer article)
Bananas and Cucumbers:
FoxNews.com, Dec. 8, 2011
An Islamic cleric living in Europe reportedly has warned Muslim women not to get too close to bananas, cucumbers or other produce—to avoid having “sexual thoughts.” The unnamed cleric, whose directive was featured in an article in el-Senousa, a religious publication, purportedly said that if women wanted to eat these foods, a third party—preferably a male related to them, such as their father or husband—should cut the items into small pieces before serving, the Egyptian website Bikya Masr reported. Carrots and zucchini also were added to the alleged cleric’s list of forbidden foods for women.
Ann Landers: Banana Cure for
Dear Ann Landers: Recently, a reader sent in a “sure cure” for a headache. He said it worked every time. It went something like this: Take a banana, and peel it. Tape half of the banana peel to your forehead with adhesive and the rest to the back of your head. He said the headache should be gone in 20 minutes.
Dear Greensboro: I’m happy it worked for you. Keep reading for more:
From Chatham, Ontario: Your “banana cure” intrigued me, so I taped it to my bathroom wall “just in case.” Yesterday, I felt a headache coming on and went into action. When I looked in the mirror and saw myself with a banana peel taped to my forehead, I started to laugh and couldn’t stop. After about ten minutes, I took a brief nap. When I woke up, the headache was gone. I don’t know if it was the banana peel, the laughter, the nap or the combination of all three, but from now on, there will always be a banana in my refrigerator.
From Seattle, Wa.: You certainly proved your gullibility when you fell for that old banana-peel gimmick sent in by Dick Frymire of Irvington, Ky. He assured you that within 30 minutes, if you apply the banana peel and just relax, the headache will disappear. Actually, at least 85 percent of all headaches will disappear if you “just relax” because most headaches are caused by tension.
From Sierra Madre, Calif.: You asked readers to try the banana-peel cure for headaches. Oddly enough, I felt a headache coming on just as I was reading that column. I couldn’t decide if I should take some pain medication or go for the banana cure. I went to the kitchen, peeled a banana and taped it to the front and back of my head with package tape. Within a few minutes, my headache was gone.
From Burke, Va.: I haven’t needed the banana-peel headache cure because my husband, an Indian from South America, learned a simple cure from his mother. Apply thick slices of an unpeeled potato to the neck and forehead. Secure with a scarf. It has never failed.
From Mexico City: We have four sloppy sons who throw everything wherever they feel like it. Last week, one of the kids threw a banana peel on the kitchen floor. My mother-in-law, who lives with us, slipped on it. Thank God she wasn’t hurt, but she was plenty mad. She said that from now on there will be no more bananas in our house. I thought this was mean of her, but my husband backed her up. Do you know of a food substitute?
Dear Mexico City: A single banana has about 471 mg. of potassium. A medium baked potato has 844. Other sources of potassium are avocados, raisins, sardines, orange juice and apricots. Be careful with the avocado. It is more slippery than a banana peel!
Cops Say Man Used Banana
MyFoxDC.com, September 18, 2014
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police in Philadelphia say a man used a banana he swiped from a convenience store counter to simulate a gun while he robbed the place.
NORTH CAROLINA — An ingenious North Carolina teenager allegedly brandished a banana rather than a gun while holding up a store, then tried to eat the evidence.
Colorado Company Offers
DENVER, Colo. — Casket makers catering to natural burials have offered biodegradable coffins made of such materials as recycled newspapers or cardboard. Ecoffins USA, based in Montrose, Colo., is selling caskets made of banana sheaves. They take six months to two years to biodegrade. In natural burials, bodies aren’t embalmed and eventually decompose into the earth. Ecoffins USA is the sister company of The SAWD Partnership, which has helped fuel the “green” funeral movement in the United Kingdom.
Banana at Large After Attacking
By Melissa Reid,
STRONGSVILLE, Ohio — There is a banana at large in Strongsville. Police say that someone dressed up as a banana and attacked the Wireless Center’s mascot, a gorilla, last week.
America is Not a Banana Republic
By C. Brown & D. Rogers,
(Excerpt from a longer article)
Oldest Man, New Yorker, 112,
By Clyde Hughes
The world’s oldest man is a 112-year-old New Yorker, a self-taught musician born in a village in Spain, who attributes his long life to a daily banana and a daily dose of six Anacin tablets. Salustiano Sanchez-Blazquez of Grand Island, N.Y., took the title of world’s oldest man when Jiroemon Kimura died June 12 at age 116, The Associated Press reported. Robert Young, senior gerontology consultant with Guinness World Records, told the Associated Press 90 percent of all supercentenarians are female and Salustiano is currently the only male born in 1901 with proof of birth.
A Real Banana Split: Bizarre Fruit Sparks Double Delight for Fun Runners
By Paul Bentley
We are all used to ‘buy one, get one free’ offers at the supermarket, but it seems Mother Nature sometimes comes up with her very own BOGOF deal. Organisers of a charity fun run stumbled across this remarkable double banana among a batch provided for competitors. The larger than usual fruit was spotted the day before the World Cancer Research Fund race. And when one organiser peeled back the skin she found two bananas, crammed tightly side-by-side like two fingers of a Twix.
I can just see all the women readers thinking “If only my husband was like that.” :)
We grow bananas and often see this, nothing very unusual.... except in London apparently!
Dole Fresh UK shouldn’t store the bananas next to the plutonium.
A banana is a herb not a fruit.
Somewhat common. We bought some of these while on vacation in Costa Rica last year. C.R. is a big banana growing country and I think these are kept in country mostly instead of exported since it is a “defect.” Took photos of ours too since we had never seen this at our stores in the U.S.
I worked in a grocery shop as a teenager and saw this a few times. I never thought to sell the story to the papers. But then a light entertainment programme became famous for viewers’ pictures of carrots in suggestive shapes.
It’s not uncommon and I’ve seen “twinned bananas” before too. It happens when the fruit doesn’t “split” properly into two individual bananas. I’ve seen twinned strawberries, twinned mushrooms, twinned... almost any kind of organism that divides itself as part of the process of multiplying. Obviously, something has “gone wrong” here. Is it due to flaws in genetics? Or environmental factors? The bigger question to ask is, it is safe to eat them?
Well, it’s “Buy one, get one free!”
The small towns of Fulton, Kentucky, and South Fulton, Tennessee, right on the border of Kentucky/Tennessee, have a big (for a small town) Banana Festival every year. Why Fulton, you ask? Because a long time ago before everything went by air or trucks on the Interstates, Fulton was a major crossroads where trains came through loading, unloading, and transfering the majority of bananas that came into the U.S., bound for the breakfast tables and lunch sacks of hungry Americans all over the country.
The festival is a typically great small-town event with a parade and a Banana Festival Queen, art exhibits, amusement park rides, and the centerpiece of the parade and the whole festival, a gigantic clear plastic container holding a one-ton banana pudding. The parade ends in a city park and the pudding is served to long lines of people. At past festivals, representatives from both Chiquita and Dole handed out thousands of bananas on the streets for free, everyone in sight was either eating a banana or had one in their hand, and a good time was had by all. The festival was an annual event for thirty years but, like a lot of small-town America, faded away in 1992. After a 20-year absence, the festival came back in all it’s glory in 2011, and is an annual event once again, usually in September.
For pictures of past Banana Festivals, click the little magic bananas:
1981 2012 2013 2014
This picture and text about San Francisco’s famous Anna Banana originally appeared in Esquire magazine
sometime between 1973-1975, if I recall correctly. Your humble correspondent and webmaster of
101Bananas was awarded a Master’s Degree in Bananology from her in 1975.
Anna Banana fancies herself a bananologist, one who practices the art of being bananas. Send her
a dollar and she will happily issue you a master’s in bananology. Other fruits are okay with Anna,
except for the fact that oranges, guavas and the rest don’t rhyme so nicely with her name. So it’s
bananas all the way. Anna has had a somewhat slippery past: her résumé notes she has had experience
as a baby-sitter, consumer, clerk, berry picker, errand girl, track star, wife, typist, and registered voter.
THE FAR SIDE by Gary Larson